Virginia Woolf writes “a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” In A Room Of One’s Own, she argues that women need both physical and symbolic space in order to stoke their own creative fire in a world that historically tries its best to snuff it out.
With the Planet Persephone zine, I have dedicated a digital place to express myself. My reason for writing Substack articles is because writing a novel is a persistent slog that has taken years, and sometimes I just want to write something and have it be done in an hour and feel as though I have accomplished something.
The problem with the internet, however, is it is a room with no doors. By publishing work online, I inevitably attract predatory or cruel people into what was meant to be a wholesome space.
One woman is murdered every four days in Australia. In order to stay safe, we should not go to the shopping centre, or go outside especially at night, or go on dates, or do sex work, or wear no clothes, or wear clothes, or be at home with our partner.
With so many unsafe physical spaces, I thought perhaps I could create a digital safe place to discuss bringing feminine energy into our lives, to celebrate the witchiness of being a woman and make memes.
I thought sharing my vulnerability with the world could be healing for some people, to make them feel less alone, whilst exercising my creative muscle. But I still feel the uncomfortability of sharing myself. It’s not something I really enjoy doing. If I could have an AI avatar representing me on the internet, I would.
It is a truly bizarre experience to upload a fraction of a reflection of yourself onto the digital world and have it be perceived by people and invite them to comment on it. It’s especially agonising for women who have been taught to adapt to the opinions of others.
When we live in a society that already demands so much of us, sharing yourself online can feel like putting your hand up when they ask “who’s next?” in front of a guillotine.
I have always felt the consequences of posting work online. I got in trouble for things I said on my blog as a teenager when I didn’t grasp the concept that if I posted something as my Facebook status people would read it.
It takes a concerted amount of effort and years of therapy for me to muster the courage to post creative work for other people to see. Posting things, you may agree, can be very anxiety inducing. Sometimes I have posted things and been physically nauseous afterwards. Every time I send something out into the world, I am overcoming my biggest fears: being judged or criticised, embarrassing myself, being honest about my experience (and that sometimes it’s difficult.)
So how do I build “a room of one's own” in an inherently unsafe environment? Although Virginia Woolf’s essay was written almost 100 years ago, the parallels to our present are undeniable. We need time, money and space to write. On some days, it is difficult to be an inspired and artistic woman. You must fight off the programming that has wormed its way into your mind: that you shouldn’t speak. If you do, you should be willing to endure the horrific criticism or fetishisation that befalls you.
I have been struggling with screen time, as I can imagine we all are. Eckhart Tolle refers to the internet as another dimension entirely. Now that VR goggles and AI are our reality, stepping away from the digital realm has become increasingly urgent. How much time do you spend in this dimension without a screen?
For me, publishing work online is an act of contradiction. I don’t want to encourage people to spend more time online, yet if I want any currency in this world, I have to appeal to people through a digital device.
How do I contribute my ideas to the world we live in without feeding the machine that enslaves us via our need for connection?
It is for this reason that I am taking a step back from my job and am returning to study. In an effort to strip back the pressures I place on myself, I will now be sending fortnightly newsletters. This decision comes from the power I have been conjuring through my relationship with the feminine.
The old me, possessed by the masculine me, would have continued to pressure myself to work multiple jobs, study, create on an online platform, write a novel, embark on a new chapter in my relationship with my partner, maintain a social life and expect myself to lose weight while doing this. I would have used alcohol to cope with the stress. I would have looked at my extraordinarily long to do list at the end of each day feeling like a failure.
I won’t be doing that. I won’t hide away either. It is my prerogative to clean out any negative energy that does not align with my values. I am practising acting from a newfound respect for myself and my time. One that allows me to say no, to change my mind and to act authentically; meaning I show up in whatever state I am in regardless of expectation.
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