Evil stepmothers

As part of my three part series, I’m discussing three iconic feminine archetypes in fairy tales and storytelling, how they relate to each other in relation to the trinity of the female psyche (maiden, mother, crone).

Why is the mother always dead? It happens so often in stories that it has been coined “the dead mom trope.” Never thought about it? Movies with dead mothers include: Bambi, Beauty and the Beast, Clueless, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Snow White, Hereditary, Talk To Me, Tarzan, The Craft, Lilo and Stitch, Scream and more.

The Mother archetype is protective and nurturing. The absence of that figure makes for a sympathetic hero. A protagonist who has lost a mother will be unprotected, impressionable, open to adventure and unfulfilled at the beginning of a story.

The only thing worse than losing your mother is having her place filled by an evil temptress who hates you.

Unlike the nurturing, idealised mother figure, the stepmother embodies chaos, disruption, the unfamiliar and untamed wilderness within the feminine psyche. We all, regardless of gender, have negative feminine energy inside of us. It can manifest in a multitude of ways; jealousy, possessiveness, self doubt.

It is the voice of the Evil Stepmother you hear in your head when you think about auditioning for the play at the community theatre. “You think you’re going to be a famous actress now that you’re forty and have a body shaped like a Christmas ham?” 

It is her words that escape your mouth when you make fun of someone for the way they look. It is her who drops the backhanded compliment to the person who achieved something you dreamt of doing. 

The Evil Stepmother will be jealous and unkind to others, and although her prowess may grant you smugness in the moment, you are not free of her icey touch. She is often the one sneering at you in the dark of the night. 

The Evil Stepmother (or inner critic as she is more commonly known) stops you from going outside, taking what you want from life and feeling pretty in your ball gown. She wants you to stay home, shut up and scrub the floors. If left unchecked, that is exactly what you would do. Nothing. Ever. 

This is why the internal power struggle between your Self and your Evil Stepmother is a delicious catalyst for transformation. You must disobey her. You must escape the tower, go to the ball, take the class. 

The Evil Stepmother is jealous of youth and beauty. She wants the mirror to say she is the fairest of them all. This can be read as vanity, just a plot device conjured up by the patriarchal systems that love to file away a woman under “jealous psycho bitch” but I believe it’s all more nuanced and complex than that. (It always is.) 

The Evil Stepmother is jealous of possibility. She yearns for the softness required to make a mistake, because when you are young: you have time, so much time, and your mistakes don’t matter as much. 

But when she’s old, and her beauty is fading, she thinks every step has to be the right one. Every step has paved a strong stone path leading up to this point, now her shoes are concrete blocks. She is jealous that it’s not easy. She knows too much about the cruelness of the world to step lightly anymore so she stops you from moving at all.

Don’t start a war against her. If it comes down to fighting words; she will always win. In order to overcome your Evil Stepmother, you must stay rooted in love and understanding. When she spits her venom, you can reply with things like:

• “I don’t want to be the best at this, I just want to do it for fun no matter the result.”

• “I just want to try, even if I fail.”

• “It’s okay to make mistakes.” 

• “I should learn from their confidence.” 
  

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