The alchemy of tears

Could there be a more perfect depiction of the feminine than tears? Water cascades from your eyes, emotion overcomes you. Tears of joy or sadness, or both, depending on what you have witnessed or the time of day or where you are in your cycle. It could have been the words you needed to hear, a wedding speech, a pet laying dead on the side of the road. 

Fifth Element (1997)

Crying is commonly associated with women because men’s tear ducts are usually, mostly, blocked. (A physiological symbol of disconnection to the feminine side of themselves.) I have seen men cry a few times in my life. The rareness feels like an eclipse. I pity the men who do not cry. If I couldn’t cry, my head would explode.

There are, of course, different degrees of crying. Like young Leo crying sexily in Romeo and Juliet, as opposed to the open mouthed sobbing of the Kim Kardashian meme. Crying is both shameful and accepted depending on the situation.

 Romeo and Juliet (1996), Keeping Up With The Kardashians (2007 - 2021)

“Primates, elephants and beavers are among animals known to cry when they are upset.” In a tribal sense, tears “often elicit from others an immediate response of help, empathy or comfort.” Useful for survival as it asks “please be gentle with me” rather than having to say it. A statement more readily accepted in women. I have heard the phrase, “white woman tears”, in which tears are used to manipulate, the same way that babies learn to.

Regardless of the cause, tears are an alchemical ingredient. They transform a situation brimming with tension into action which will bring, for at least the crier, relief. 

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

In fairytales, tears wash away a curse or heal another where the tear falls. They are restorative and remedial. Two little baptism taps of salt water, like the ocean flowing out our eyes.

It pains me to hear the words “don’t cry.” In my circle, those words are replaced by “let it out.” I suggest my friends cry when they are feeling pent up. I, on the other hand, need no encouragement. I will cry at basically anything that shows comradery, tenderness or perseverance. Sitting down in the shower and sobbing loudly is one of the most effective ways to relax.

I can only explain the quickness of my tears at seemingly insignificant things as a sort of overflowing. I force painful things to transmute into life lessons as they are happening. I think this makes me wise, but it is only spirtually bypassing the true lessons. Instead, what I have done for most of my life is avoid sadness completely.

I have spent most of 2024 so far crying. For the first time in my life, I let myself cry. I have undergone intense feelings of grief and loss. I let myself be completely consumed by it. I liken the experience to watching the tide pull out to reveal a dark, endless cave. Once you see it, once you hear the echoing silence, you can’t unknow it is there.

My friend Audrey, (Hi Audrey), calls this feeling “the pit.” She advised me that once you come out of the pit, you are free and basically become glowing Mr Burns saying “I bring you love.”

The Simpsons, The Alien, Episode 8, Season 10

The next time the urge arises, it may be over something you had no idea you felt a type of way about, let it out. Really feel it. See tears for what they are: tiny waves of change.

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